The Joint Communique
by Kerikonii
Summary: When an important diplomatic document gets into the wrong hands, what kind of terrible things will happen? Who knows - it's France, after all... or... is it?


"Aiyah,_ Lìtáowǎn_, hurry and sign it..." China groaned loudly - it echoed across the wide board room.

"I'm only trying to check it over...! Someone might have tampered with it." Lithuania tried to explain while straightening the Joint Communique papers.

"And the chances of that happening are - ?"

"Okay, I get it - but still. We are required to do it, after all..."

"Fine, fine! Just hurry it up." China muttered, folding his arms. He stared away towards the window. _Lā shǐ... Forgot to close the shades! _he thought. He quickly trotted over to the window and - _Wait, what's that? _He leaned forward, trying making sure it wasn't just a trick of the light... He could've sworn - _No, no. That's crazy. Who would be _spying_ on the signing of the Joint Communique papers?_

"You almost got us caught, you frog!" shouted an outraged and discomposed England - who actually still had a loose leaf stuck in his hair - at a much less disheveled France.  
>"It is not my fault! You were the one poking your head up, trying to get a better look!" argued France. Back and forth they argued for the next fifteen minutes; until England realized he had left the oven on, after baking some biscuits for his afternoon cuppa.<p>

"...FUCK!" England exclaims, just now realizing this, mid-argument with France.

"...What the hell?" said France, watching England run away for no apparant reason. _Maybe I scare him just that much! Ohonhonhon... _thought France, with a smirk spreading across his bearded face. But just as swiftly as it came, it faded - for he was pounced from behind by America the next minute.

"Hey, dude! How'd it go? Hey, you still never told me what the trick was! Why won't you tell me, bro? Bro's gotta knows!" chattered America, bouncing on the balls of his feet. France, hunched over by America's ridiculous weight, was barely able to shout his frustation at the bouncing round thing occupying his spine's personal space.

"_Amérique_ - get - the hell - off!" he sputtered, struggling to throw America off his back.

"Not 'til ya tell me what cha did thar!" replied America, in his most annoying - most obnoxious - sing-song voice.

"Ugh - fine! Just get off!"

"'Kay, dude." America grinned, sprang up (pushing France's spine down), and did a backflip over France - landing in front of him - and turned to face him. "Cool, amiright?"

"..._Non_." France grimaced as he felt his back - he was _so_ gonna need a massage later...

"All righ', bo', te'me wha' had happened."

"..._Quoi_?"

"Hahaha! I said, 'All right, boy, tell me what happened.'"

"Oh... right. Well, _Angleterre_ and I were to hold onto the Joint Communique papers until the date of the signing. And so-"

"Wait - so, what'd you do to the papers?"

"Let me finish - I was just about to get to that part! And so, we - that is, _Angleterre_ and I fixed it to include a signature clause. That signature clause included - wait for it - a betrothal agreement!"

"...Eh? What's a betrothal agreement?"

France pulled a face of utter disappointment, and rolled his eyes. "Well, of course, _normally_ when one is betrothed, there is no agreement, but seeing as these were papers to be signed by the ones to be betrothed -"

"Just tell me what the hell it means, dude."

"Fine! A betrothal is an engagement. So, when the fools signed it ..."

"They signed an agreement to marriage?"

"_Oui_! Exactly!"

"Dude... Hahaha! That's ballin', yo!"

"I suppose you can put it that way. Also, there is a way they can render the signature clase null and void - you know, other than ripping up the papers. Ohonhonhon..."

"_Kinija_! Oh, I knew something would go wrong..." Lithuania fumbled with the signed papers after China had told him about what he thought he saw.

"I'm only suggesting what I _might _have seen. It was most likely just a trick of the light, or something...!" China restated with shrinking confidence that it was a mirage.

"Listen, you may be old -"

"_Hey_!"

"_But_ you're still sharp. We must know why they were spying. You say it was England and France, right?"

"..._Shì_."

"Then, we should go see them. If we detect any funny business between either of them - you know, the way they act around us - then we'll take a further investigation into the papers."

"...To check for signs of tamperment?"

"_Taip_! See, I knew you were sharp." Lithuania smiled and held out his hand. China gave him a "thank you" and tried to cover his blushing face with his sleeve, but stretched his free hand to shake Lithuania's. as the meeting was now over, they both went to find either England or France. (They decided that Lithuania should go to see England, and China should go to see France.)

"You feel welcome, no?" drawled out the seductive voice that France liked to bear so often with his guests.

China gave a reproving sniff before replying. "I suppose."

"Oh, do not be so hostile towards me! I am your host, after all..." France gulped down the last of his wine he had taken out for his guest. China had simply sipped at the glass given to him.

"Well, then - _xièxiè nǐ zhème hǎo_. Now, if you don't me, I'm already started to feel a buzz come on -"

"Then drink some more! I, myself, have a had a bit more than necessary, but honestly... don't be so stiff. _Vivre un peu_!"

China glared at the increasingly drunk idiot. _Who is he, telling _me_ to live a little? As far as I'm concerned, I've _lived_ a lot more than he has - a lot longer, too! _He gulped down the rest of his wine glass in retaliation, and stomped his way into France's bathroom. _Ugh... I need to wash my hair - I'll use his fancy-ass shampoo and conditioner, too! _China undressed himself, hung his clothes on the towel rack, and jumped in the shower. The water came out from the faucet very smoothly - _This must be a nice, expensive shower, then, _thought China. _Good! I could use the relaxation. _He definitely wasn't feeling any less sober, however... Right when he was smothering his scalp in the obviously expensive shampoo, the door seemed to heave itself open. _No - that isn't even possible... did I - did I forget to lock the door?_

Ignoring the intrusion to his shower, he kept rubbing his scalp, closing his eyes and letting the water run over his face and through his hair. Hands much bigger than his were placed on top of his own - he didn't care. He was relaxed under the heat and pressure of the running water. It soothed his back... along with the hands that were now fingering their way down there. China flinched, but didn't resist when those hands made their way to the front of China's body. The hands had lathered themselves in moisturizing lotion, and rubbed against China's dirtier parts - soon enough, they were inside of him (it felt like two fingers from each...). Easing in and out, the movements made China moan. He didn't bother to stifle the noise. He placed his own hands in front of him, grabbing on to whatever he could to stay steady as those mysterious hands had started moving more swiftly, digging deeper inside of him. (Was it just China's imagination, or... were they growing _bigger_? _No - it's probably just more fingers..._) But as he felt soap-lathered hands grabbing hold of his waist, he realized it wasn't just fingers anymore - and worst of all, he was being taken by France in the shower. But none of it mattered right now, as the moans' echoes sounded throughout the bathroom. All that mattered was how good it felt - not how humiliating it would be afterwards.

Next thing he knew, China was in a silky orange bath robe, lying on France's bed. He had an irritating headache, and it only became worse as he tried to remember what happened. He looked around - France came in the room (wearing a fuzzy pink bath robe with slippers to match). Gears turned in China's head - _Great. I must have slept with this bastard - he got me drunk, and I slept with him! _China flung himself onto the nearest pillow to avoid eye contact with that bastard. France sat down on the bed next to China and began stroking his head and gave it a little kiss before leaving again. China lifted himself up immediately.

"...I _really_ don't like him." China muttered.

"_Kinija_! How did it go with you? Better than how it went with me, I hope..." Lithuania asked China as they met up in the old boarding room again.

"...Not really," China bit his cheek. "Unless you count sleeping with the fucker a plus-side."

Lithuania gaped at China. "What _happened_?"

China rambled on about the story of how France must have gotten him drunk and ... all those such despicable things. Lithuania took to staring at China, attempting to absorb all the information.

"That definitely sounds like a cover-up. He obviously did the main work here! (England didn't seem too suspicious, anyway.) But if only we could find out what it is _exactly_ that he did..." Lithuania stated.

"Either way, we're gonna have to check through those papers again."

"Yes, we are. I can tell France is trying to hide you from something."

"You have the papers, then?"

Lithuania smiled and pointed to the desk by one of the windows. "Right in there." He went on to pulling out a drawer, and extracting the Joint Communique document.

As Lithuania proceeded to examine the papers, China sat himself on the desk where Lithuania was working now. Bored, China decided to play with Lithuania's hair. _It's as long as _Fàguó de_... but a lot bushier - and browner, of course. Wait - I shouldn't be thinking of that stupid asshole! _Lìtáowǎn _is a lot nicer of a person. I know _he_ wouldn't get me drunk and fuck me when I don't know any better! Damn impaired judgment..._

Lithuania pulled a small smile, and didn't mind China playing with hair too much. _He's kind of a cute guy, actually. _he thought, blushing a bit. But he blushed even more when he found that, under the signatures of the Joint Communiqe, lay a signature clause. _There isn't supposed to be a signature clause! What is this, anyway...? _Lithuania leaned towards the document, examining that last page with the signatures closer than ever. He read the signature clause - his voice barely above a whisper.

_The signers of this diplomatic document hereby agree to a betrothal. Consent to wed is implied and the marriage will be carried out a week after the signing. (This clause is rendered null and void __**only**__ if the entire document is discarded along with its purpose and intentions.)_


End file.
